For me, one of the big perks of being middle aged with an old lady mom is the type of conversations I can have with her.

When I was growing up, it was all 잔소리 (pronounced “jahn-sori”; Korean for nagging). Now it’s 잔소리 + some deep conversations about life, and what we think is really up. Same-same but different.

Questions like:

• What do you think happens when you die?

• What do you think 아빠 (pronounced “ah-bbah”; Korean for dad) was feeling when he passed?

• Why don’t you go to church? (like really asking)

Nowadays, I try and visit at least once a week, typically on my way back home from BJJ. Today I went to Friday morning no-gi class, ran some errands, and stopped by to drop off some medicine I had picked up for her at Walgreens.

Today’s menu was a home made 설렁탕 (seolleongtang - a beef bones simmered for hours to make a white, translucent soup).

I pulled the bowl away from my mouth after polishing off the rest of the soup/rice mixture at the bottom. If you’ve ever indulged yourself in a soup — and I mean face to bowl proximity — you know that nose starts running. I don’t know why that happens. Maybe my face just had too much liquid in it and my nose was acting as a blow-off valve.

Regardless - I put the bowl down, grabbed a half-sheet of paper towel, and blew my nose.

***HEAVEN***

My mom looked over with a smile and said “blowing your nose like that after a meal is a sign of having really enjoyed it. So it’s like a sign of true appreciation, like another way of saying “thank you”” :)

I quipped “Blowing my nose like that at the table reminds me of 아빠”. Growing up, I remember my dad as a real Man’s Man, and along with that came the Man sights, sounds and smells. Blowing his nose, wet and loudly, at the dinner table was something I remember I used to get upset at him for. Because it’s gross.

“You know” Mom said. “I was always very careful to speak highly of 아빠 in front of you boys, and when he would do (gross) things like that, I wouldn’t make a stink about it, because I didn’t want you guys to think 아빠 was some sort of boorish person, even though sometimes he behaved that way. I like to think that my being careful about the things I said about your dad, to you or in front of you, contributed to the high opinion that you have of him, despite his imperfections”.

Perhaps, Mom. Perhaps. Very likely, indeed.

Then, like a psycho, I hit her with this 360-no scope headshot: “Are you familiar with quantum physics?”

“I’m familiar with the term, but couldn’t explain it”

“Neither can I. But what you were talking about reminded me of this: One of the big ideas associated with quantum physics is this concept called the “multiple worlds theory”. It proposes that for every single event, every possible outcome does exist, but in different “worlds”. It made me think that there is a world where I wouldn’t have had the same recollection/feelings as I do about 아빠 now, and that the good feelings that I have about him shouldn’t be taken for granted.”

She shook her head and laughed. Sorry (not sorry) for being a weirdo, Mom.

Lunches with Mom - good times.